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My dog is gone. In just about the worst way imagineable. Like you just sort of take them for granted when you see them every day and you don’t think that today could be their last.

I had taken my little dog for a walk and got a phone call from my Dad saying that Tally was missing. They had just put her outside so she could go to the bathroom. Normally she’s out there for five to ten minutes or so before barking to come back in.

We didn’t get a bark. We got nothing. We don’t even have a body.

It had been raining for most of the day and the grass and boat dock were wet. My parents had put her out and when she didn’t come back for a bit they went outside to look. They couldn’t find her. The canal is murky as hell. It’s pitch black out. The only conclusion we could draw was that she slipped on the wet grass or dock and fell in. This happened to her a couple of years ago but it happened right as we put her out and we were able to rescue her. She was younger and a better swimmer too. We should have taken that as a warning to keep an eye on her more closely at night. We checked around with flashlights and even drove to the other side of the canal to see if maybe she by some miracle had climbed out on the other side. We found nothing. The last thing would have been to take the little boat out and search the canals, but you can’t even see the bottom and with her hips she would have just sunk like a rock. My Dad said it would have been a lost cause.

She would have turned 14 this year. She’ll miss Christmas and her birthday this year, and she always loved presents.

She wasn’t doing too well health wise anyway. She had a lot of those fatty tumors on her, and her hips were bad. Her hearing and vision wasn’t good and we would have to pick her up from time to time because she couldn’t get her legs under her. She also had these weird moles on her eyelids that would bleed if she rubbed at them. She was also always whining, but that had been her thing her whole life. We couldn’t tell if it was whining from being in pain or just her nature. She probably had a million other things wrong with her, but we didn’t have the money to fix her, nor would it make sense to on such an old dog.

It was such an impersonal way to go. Just drowning in the dark alone.

I mean we weren’t always good to her either. She was very naggy in her old age. She’d whine to go out and wake us up at crazy hours and we’d tell her she was bad or annoying and we’d yell at her. She’d go out but just stand outside and would come in expecting a treat. She pulled that shit all the time and it was obnoxious. Then we got Scupper about three years ago and he’d get a lot of attention, and she’d get jealous. He’d get to go places that she couldn’t because of her age. She’s the only dog Scupper ever sort of got along with. I don’t know how he’s gonna be now that he’s all alone. He hates being alone.

She was such a good girl when it comes down to it. She was a bit of a coward, but she was always so sweet. You could go right up to her and kiss her and hug her and she’d be just fine. I didn’t even get to do that. I wish she had just died in her sleep. The best that can happen now is if maybe we find her body floating in the canal. At least we’d have it then. All I have of her now is this stuffed bunny that she loved because it was soft.

I just can’t believe she’s gone. I’m expecting her to come barging into my room any minute now whining, barking, and demanding treats, or hear her barking outside to be let in.

Just do me a favor and always kiss and hug your pets goodbye okay?

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